June 19 – All Over But The Cryin’

Bald may not be beautiful, but it is a very interesting situation. Things I’ve observed in the few days I’ve been shorn:

1. Stubble is Velcro. Trying to pull a shirt over my head is near-impossible, thanks to the fact that the remnants grabs the cotton and won’t let go. I’ve already destroyed one collar.


2. Heightened sensations. I can feel every little breeze. Even before, when I had my hair down to ¼ inch, there was little I could feel up top, save for a giant wind gust. Now, I feel everything. Showers are the weirdest, because the water just hits it, heats it, and rolls off. One positive: all my hats now fit.


3. My new disguise. It’s the classic reaction of walking up on people and scaring the Hell out of them because they didn’t recognize me until I was right up in front. In my neighbourhood, at least, I’ve had the dogs out with me, so people could at least tell it was me coming, even if they didn’t recognize the outline.

And so it ends. Over $7400 raised, a bald head, and the feeling of knowing that in some small way I helped make a difference. Don’t forget, if you missed my fundraiser, the Vancouver Canadians are having one of their own – “Mullet Madness” – where if you donate money you get a highly fashionable wig for their game June 29.


It’s been fun; now, I gotta go teach. See you around.

Rob

'Nuff said

June 15 – The Day of Reckoning

By the end of the day, I will be bald.

Oh, that’s a good thing. At the end of the 45 days I have been promoting this haircut, I’m more than ready to have this mop removed from my head.

The fundraising aspect has been the treasure. That people responded is such ways to my call for support has reminded me that maybe I’m not such a bad guy after all. Granted, there are people who are on board simply to enjoy the spectacle I will be making of myself, but even they appreciate that the cause is greater than the man.

As of midnight Thursday/Friday morning, I have raised $7000. Now, for those of you who started late, that might appear less than my goal of $8000; the fact of the matter is that I have raised my goal twice from the initial starting point of a mere $2000. I consider a 350% surplus over initial projections to be a spectacular success – and, unlike Bre-X, the Cancer Society has already received their money.

The final total will be revealed on Monday, after the cup gets passed around at school and I enter the money into the database. But, whatever we top out at, the process was worth it.

There are so many people to thank. Those who donated, of course, get first and special mention. Each of you will be getting copies of the photos of the shave and my bald head. Everybody who received an email, regardless of donation, is also thanked, because you took the time to read my pleas. There are many people who couldn’t donate because they have already donated to other causes. Some people just didn’t. No matter; that I took some of your time and you didn’t complain – that counts too.

The Vancouver School Board also gets a big hug, because their tolerance of my shag is evidence of their fairness as an employer. A special, big hug goes out to the staff of the Roberts Education Centre, my home for the last 14 years. Many of you have already accepted it; some took seconds.

Chris Parry at Notes From the Nat – you’ve been a good friend. Thanks for all the promo and support. As was Ernie Dragan, whose own shave for the Province’s “Empty Stocking Fund” some years ago gave me the inspiration for my own.

To the brothers of Phi Gamma Delta – I’m proud to be a FIJI. Thanks for turning me on to philanthropy back in university.

Even the Vancouver Canadians get some love, because my stupidity forced me to rely on a depth of character I’d forgotten I had. I actually think I’m a bigger man now.













If you missed out on my fundraiser, Lori Bonang from their front office is running a fundraiser at the Nat June 29 – no haircut, but a donation gets you a free mullet (wig).

Finally, and deservedly, my wife Lisa, whose tolerance in the face of waking up next to 1975 knows no bounds. Oh sure, it’s from one extreme to the other, but bald can get better, while shag never does.

Apparently the turnout at the school today is going to be quite impressive. I hope the hype lives up to the hair.

I will see you all on the other side.

Thanks for everything.

Rob

June 13 – I’ve always needed a haircut

Like many children, I suffered the indignity of my birth certificate also qualifying as a barber’s license. When the time came for school photos, it was “go as you are”, not 'look like you want'. So this is what happened. It explains why I got beat up a lot.




Once I moved out of the house, all caution got thrown to the wind. By that, I mean I just got lazy and pretty much did nothing. As long as I bathed, no one really gave too much about my personal appearance – because it was my appearance.




But, as time passed and senses of decorum changed, there is a point to ‘knowing your role’, and dressing somewhat appropriately. Still, though, you can leave elements of your individuality intact, so long as they don’t supersede the situation.


Which brings us to today, in the shadow of my scalping. At this point in my life, I’m comfortable with the concept that “it’s just hair.” Not something I’ve really ever been comfortable with; it’s hard to style thick hair atop a size-8 head. The easiest method is just to keep it shaved down – something I did for four years prior to 2006. People forget that I have done the near-bald thing, and it suited me quite well.

I just got lazy one day, and that’s how all this started. Two days to go.

I’ve combed this town from top to bottom
I try to get around but my legs are broken
Every time I miss it ’cos I ain’t got a ticket

48 hours needs 48 thrills

Snip, snip, snip

June 11 – Into the home stretch

Over $6000 raised. Final set of emails sent out. Nothing left but the crying, and the cutting.

With four days to go, there isn’t much left to do. As I contemplate what is to come, and I mark a raft of (very fine) essays from my students on the Cold War, the haircut now seems a bit anti-climactic. It’s because of the sense that people have given their money, so the cut is expected; I have accepted their money, so I expect to have to cut my hair.

Long gone are the emails from people wondering if this is some sort of a publicity stunt or gag. When people ask me about it now, they query my inspiration; it’s 90% philanthropy and 10% this-is-the-marathon-I-run-before-truning-40. Doing something good is always a nice thing; the fact that it causes the demons that inhabit my soul great pain – well, that’s a bonus. The ‘marathon’ thing; well, I have done a lot in my first 38 years, and this seemed like a cool thing to do, rather than spending 6 months developing shin splints so I can limp around but have a good story of 4 hours wasted one rainy Sunday afternoon in May. I have seen enough doctors in recent years.

I have also enjoyed hearing from people I’d lost contact with some time ago. The tight connection may not be there anymore, but it’s still refreshing to hear from them, and have them validate the sentiment under which I am conducting this exercise.

Dreading the haircut? No; I’m looking forward to it.

June 8 – One week to go

In respect of the $6000 raised, and for your weekend enjoyment, I will do one of the two comparisons people have insisted on since I started…

“The Wedding Singer” – circa 1987.......... Rob McGowan – from 1987

June 15; 1:00 p.m.; 1666 Comox Street

The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won. The haircut is irrelevant to the good deed, which was to raise money for the Cancer Society. With the money already collected, the haircut is but a formality to be undertaken. Feel free to attend.

June 7 – How much wood could a Woodchuck chuck…

Long before I became an employee of the Vancouver School Board, I was known for two things:

a) Spending 6 years pursuing a four-year degree
b) Selling beer at the Nat

Since many people now know why the latter has met its demise, I should enlighten as to why I cherish the former.

Back in 1986, as a 130-pound 18-year-old, I was granted the privilege of pledging the fraternity of Phi Gamma Delta. Throughout 6 years of undergraduate education, the brothers were my colleagues and friends. I probably would not have discovered who I am without their brotherhood and camaraderie. After graduation, although it is hard, I do my best to maintain contact, either at the yearly PIG dinner, lunches or drinks, or at Nat Bailey (sadly, no more).

"Woodchuck” comes from a particular period when, already possessing lots of hair, my wisdom teeth had to be extracted. Growing in both impacted and pointing down, it required dislocating my jaw to get them removed, resulting in quite the set of puffed cheeks. Add on three weeks of beard growth due to an inability to touch my face, and you get the “Woodchuck”. It could have been much worse – like “Beaver” or “Weasel”. It was, and is, a name I carry proudly as a fond reminder of the two decades I spent getting my History degree.

Proudly serving as my alternate identity at parties, social events and my graduation ceremony, it became the name people knew me as. It took some people years to discover my actual name. Even today, years after completing my UBC degree, it is still easier for some people to recall the “Woody” rather than the Rob. Who cares if I’m pushing 40? It’s still endearing to me.

Thank you Brothers. In honour of my impending haircut, here’s what one looks like skinned.

Perge!

UPDATE - Hair removal expert selected!

Just to let everyone know, the person to be entrusted with removing my hair has been selected.

It will be my friend Ernest, who works at Bobo's Salon - 1705 Davie Street, Vancouver (604-682-5999). A long-time stylist, I have known Ernest since the mid-1990s; he used to be a regular in the "Bum Zone" at Nat Bailey Stadium. Not only was he a regular customer, he also played on the beer-league softball team that one of the regulars started.

(A team, by the way, which had a direct impact on my meeting my wife, so I will always have good feelings about that experience. Thanks Rusty.)

He is going to sacrifice his lunch for the cause, and that means more than money to him. So, rest assured, I have booked a professional to cut off the hair, which will then be bagged and sent off to make wigs.

With June 15 now only 10 days away, the last pieces are falling into place. Even the elementary school kids who share our building are on board. Thanks to their inspecting the couches after Dad's nap, they have been able to contribute $70 to the cause. Division 6 - YOU ROCK!

Next update: what I'll be wearing on the fateful day. Oh, where's Austin Scarlett when I need him?

June 4 – The time gets closer while the hair gets longer

"Rapunzel rapunzel, let down your hair”

The time has come for the hair to go. Oh sure, this is something my wife has been saying for months, but I now know that I cannot handle the responsibility that is below-shoulder length hair. Aside from the maintenance (I know – ‘you actually treat that mop?’), while I was at work the other day, one solitary strand dangled down in front of my eyes like an angler fish. Irritated, I yanked that bad boy out. Much to my dismay, it was an 11-inch grey; it was like dental floss was growing from my head.

That, and the fact that it now gets in the way of eating, necessitates its departure. I refuse to tie it back to get through the day; I don’t care if I look like a caveman while teaching.

Not much to report from over the weekend. Some money came in – thank you again – but a plateau seems to have been reached. Well, there’s no point beating the horse until it’s time for the home stretch. So, I will hold off all direct requests until the last week. I know many people are still debating what and/or when; I’m just happy people are thinking of the cause.

And, of course, my soon-to-be-bald head. Saw a FIJI brother while shopping on Sunday; first words out of his mouth were:

“Mr. McGowan. Nice to see you; get a haircut.”

Probably the first time he’s used that phrase in 20 years, but it sounded like yesterday. Oh the memories.

Now it’s back to Bayport to solve mysteries with Frank and Joe. This week, in honour of my good friend Oz, we’ll try and solve “The Baseball Card Conspiracy”.

June 1 – Two weeks and counting

See this poster? It was made by one of the students at my school. The teacher said she needed an art project for a few kids, and did I have any ideas. Well, given the shameless self-promoter that I am, I narcissistically suggested she have a poster contest for my haircut. What you see here is the winner.

Apparently, I am having my hair cut by George Costanza.

Kidding aside, thanks to Mojgan Abolhasani for the artwork. I am having one mounted for permanent display in my class. I would also like to thank the rest of the art students for their participation. I'm glad you had fun mangling my appearance in the pursuit of completion assignments and grades.

Fundraising seems to have stalled at just over $5000. No problem. I am not judging the benefit based on how much money I raise; it’s how much money is raised for the Cancer Society that is the real goal. I am just a conduit. Continued thanks and gratitude go to all those who did or will contribute. I'm still going to go after people, but not until the final week. I am happy with everything that has happened.

With two weeks to go, there’s still plenty of time to:

a) donate to the cause – go to the link at the top or bottom of the page
b) set aside time to come watch the miracle of the “Clip on Comox”

And who knows? If I say my prayers and take my vitamins, maybe I can get my hair cut by Mean Gene.

Right back 'atcha brother.

See you after the weekend.

Rob

May 29 – Giant victory!!!

Two things make this week special.

First, the Vancouver Giants won the Memorial Cup. Since I will never get to see a Stanley Cup Canucks victory up close – they may win one, but I can’t swing the $500 per ticket it would cost – I gladly take Sunday as one of my top sporting events attended of all time. And the post-game entertainment of Loverboy; it was like 1988 all over again, except for the fact that I saw Mike Reno sell his red leather pants for charity last year.

Second, I/we crossed the $5000 mark in donations raised. Grateful thanks go out to the list of heroes who have made it possible. I have raised the new target to $8000, and there it will stay. Making five grand was enough of a dream for one guy and a bad mop, but if I don’t keep going some people will not donate, abrogating their responsibility in view of ‘well, he already made his target’.

Now, it’s back on the road with the Scorpions until June 15. Keep those donations coming.













xoxo

Rob

May 27 – and we round the clubhouse turn…

Friday was a tough night. I had Giants semi-final tickets, for the game starting at 5:00 (thank you, Eastern time zone!), and the grad for adult education started at 6:30. What to do; what to do…

Easy – go to the game; DON’T DRINK; then beetle off to grad. Good thing I was a man and told people of my absence beforehand, otherwise the jobs I usually help out with would not have been covered, and that would’ve looked bad.

The Giants won 8-1, so the final is a repeat of the WHL final – VanCity vs. Medicine Hat for all bragging rights. As you can see from the picture, Medicine Hat plays like the Minnesota Wild – just jam the front with everybody and slow the game down. It works, but it’s not fun to watch. Good thing Loverboy is the post-game entertainment. I’ll have someone to compare hair to! (Photos to follow.)

Today marks the beginning of the three week push to the June 15 conclusion. Many people are looking forward to coming and witnessing the haircut. Rita Ringdahl, the elementary school teacher that shares our building, has asked me to confirm the 1:00 clip time, so her class can attend. Bless her and them, they’re collecting coins for the cause. As well, my mother-in-law is coming out from Toronto to watch, both to confirm to my wife and mother that the cut is in fact being done. [I know; I wouldn’t trust me either.]

The overall total has been raised to $8000 – and that’s where it will stay. Damn those cheap teachers who are looking for a way out; I have to keep upping the goal because the total I have so far demands it.

I am blessed by the people who have donated. I am blessed by the people who will donate.

Rob

ps - Go Giants Go!

May 24 – Effectively three weeks to go!

The Vancouver Giants are 2&1, but because the team they lost to is also 2&1, the Giants have to play a semi-final game on Friday, whereas Medicine Hat gets to advance to Sunday’s final. And now I’m down a Vince, because he’s moved to London, UK. I took him to a game before he left; the left is the hair I have, the right is the hair I will be.

The sad part about losing the hair is seeing people’s reactions to it. Three years ago, I met John Ralston Saul, husband of then Governor General Adrienne Clarkson. I was quite clipped then, and fit in with the general tenor of the evening and conversation. A very pleasant man; we got along well, despite my lack of respect for the position his wife held, and the School Board’s fear I might bring those points up. (Contrary to opinion, I do know how to behave given the situation.) The other person is a student, Kurt Driver (remember, I work in adult education), who was invited to present to Mr. Ralston Saul on behalf of the Roberts Centre.

Look at the other picture. That’s me with BC Premier Gordon Campbell from back in November. Oh sure, he’s smiling, but it’s a look of “Is this guy in the right place…security, …SECURITY!!!” THAT’S the look I’ll miss when the hair’s gone; the one that makes people look for their wallet once they have ‘done their time’.

I am still deliberating as to whether to raise the goal. I think I will, given the number of emails to go out (again), but I will decide on which number in a couple of days. I will let Friday be the deciding day. I’m still using 90% of target as the deciding factor. I’m hoping that, with three weeks to go, people will get on board at the end the way others have gotten on board from the start.

Until then, remember: hassle everyone you know into donating. I’m cutting the hair, but let’s make it memorable.

May 22 – Memorial Cup weekend

The Giants are 2-0 so far. Lewiston can complain all they want, but the scoreboard tells the truth of the matter. Got to meet the Stanley Cup tonight; pledged my undying love, but all I got was non-committal vis-à-vis spending an upcoming summer in Vancouver.

In regards to the stall in fundraising over the last few days, it’s not entirely unexpected that donation levels have dropped off. I have sent out one massive list of emails – 250 in total. That doesn’t count singular emails sent to group lists, like the one to my fraternity brothers, the staff at my school, or to the BC Liberal Party. In addition, with the May long weekend just ending, people had other, fun things to do. It’s not that people won’t donate; it’s just that priorities were focused elsewhere the last few days.

That’s what can aggravate people about fundraising. Not the initial “Hey, I’m doing this good thing for a great cause…”, which everyone can support. It’s the feeling of “Cripes; are they gonna be pissed I’m asking them again?” which comes with the second round request and reminder emails. I don’t wish to alienate people who are going to donate but then feel pressured when an innocent prompt comes their way.

Nonetheless, to those who donated over the holiday weekend – Mark, Kevin and Yvette – thanks for keeping the momentum going. As of this morning, the total sits at $4206.74.

I’m already at 84% of the revised goal of $5000. I’m vacillating between keeping it there and raising it again. People have asked me why I underestimated the level of support I would be getting. The short answer is that I don’t know; I guess I set a low bar because I didn’t know what would happen when I sent out the requests. Remember – originally, this was supposed to be taking place at the Nat. I guess losing that opportunity, combined with a reduced sense of self-worth at the time, led me to assume that there wasn’t going to be as much of a draw to my haircut as a “shave the hawker” celebration would have been.

Now that I’m realizing that people care about the cause regardless of when or where, I’m feeling more optimistic about everything, which improves the rationale behind all decisions made about the clip.

As for hair comparisons, I don’t know which Michael I resemble more – Landon or J. Fox.










Thanks for participating.

May 17 – Update heading into the long weekend

First of all, it’s Memorial Cup opening weekend, and I’ve got tickets for the whole tournament. Go Giants!

June 15 can’t come fast enough. People are now just walking up to me and taking my photo.

It’s like it didn’t take only 18 months to get to this point; it could very well be this length again by Christmas 2008. Oh sure, I’ll be living in a van down by the river, after my currently-still-understanding wife throws me out, but at least I'll be free to tour with Whitesnake.

At the end of two full weeks of fundraising, I have to say I’m blessed with generous friends, co-workers, Brothers and acquaintances. All told, with 29 days to go, the grand total raised now sits at…$3886.67.

I must give due credit to the brothers of Phi Gamma Delta. Although the balance between QG and pride is a fine one, without the generous support of lifelong friends such as these the enhanced goal would not have been within such easy reach. Granted, many of the brothers who have donated so far have witnessed some of the worst hair any person dared call a style; but their singular desire to help the cause makes the sacrifice of my hair seem rather redundant. In that, as in all things, I am proud to be a FIJI.

What’s become clear to me is that I have tapped into something bigger than simply being one clown looking to fancy up a balding. I have been flooded with emotional responses to my request for support. People are pledging in honour of friends, co-workers and loved ones. Have you ever read the obits in the paper, and wondered to yourself about whether people take seriously the requests to “in lieu of flowers, please make a donation to…”? I am quickly learning that they are, and they do.

It’s to the point where, beyond all expectations, I might have to raise the goal again. Perhaps I underestimated the appeal of the cause or the altruistic nature of the people I was contacting, but as $2000 became $5000, the speed and charity of responses has started me wondering whether I should take the next step to $7500 or $10000. I don’t want to get ahead of myself; but, as the same time, I don’t want to run out of gas with so much time to go. Some people will neglect to give if they believe the goal has been reached and doesn’t need to be exceeded.

With the batch of emails sent on Tuesday night / Wednesday morning, I have completed the first wave of email solicitations. Sometime after the long weekend, the first series of reminder emails will be sent, updating people on the success of the drive so far, and repeating the message that there is still time to share the love. Based on how much is raised by the weekend, I will determine whether the bar has to be raised again.

For those of you who gave given so far, again – a hearty thank you.

For those of you using my drive to honour someone close to you, well – you honour me.

For those of you coasting, what’s up? Bald not good enough for you?

For those of you who can’t decide, choose one of the following: Do I look more like a member of

- left: Ratt
- right: Warrant









At least I discovered a career beyond the 1980s.

May 14 – One month to go

I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks since I started; more importantly, it’s only 31 days until I’m shaved clean.

I have sent out most of the emails I intended. There have been 75 reads of my fundraising website and 30 people have donated. Although I have personally written to each “hero” to thank them, once again I must acknowledge that without their support I would simply be some loudmouth looking to glorify a haircut.

There are still three groups yet to be contacted: the fine brothers of Phi Gamma Delta; the two cohorts of people I attended the VSB “Leadership Development Program” with; and what appears to be a listserv I found in my email cache of people I took my Masters degree with. All of them will be getting their emails sometime next week, and then it will be reminder emails for those who have not yet given. The nuisance aspect of fundraising is that you have to hit the same people two or three times before they will send in the money.

My problem always is that while there is no doubt I can be persistent, I have to avoid being an ass about it; I’m not known for my subtlety. Nonetheless, they'll be ga-ga at the go-go when they see me in my toga. My toga made of blond, brilliantined, Biblical hair. My hair like Jesus wore it; hallelujah, I adore it.

One question has been raised since I started – why am I focused on who I should emulate when bald? More people have fun comparing what I look like now to famous bad lids from the past. Since I have one month left to enjoy this fabulous mop, I can indulge.

On the left, me at a Vancouver Giants game on May 11.

On the right, Ian Gillan of Deep Purple, circa 1969.






Question: Twin brothers from different mothers? At least I've never been fired by Ritchie Blackmore.


This is the legacy my haircut leaves behind. Please, donate to the cause.

May 11 – HUGE update

I am proud to say that I know very generous people.

I have only been collecting money for a week, and I am already 82% towards the original goal of $2000. There are so many people I have already thanked for helping me get to this point. (You can check out the list of them on the right.) But I have had to make the executive decision to raise my goal.

I have set the new number at $5000. I am under no illusions; I may not make this new number, but damn it, I’m willing to try. Also, knowing certain people as I do, if I don’t raise the goal they won’t donate, relinquishing their philanthropy because others beat them to the punch. I must not deny these people the ability to feel a part of righting the wrong God made when He gave me all this hair.

Everybody who has donated thus far comes from lives led both present and past. While I may not be able to mention each person in the blog anymore – rest assured I will lengthen the “heroes” list as necessary – I will still personally thank each and every person in an individual way. Each day I am humbled by the fact that people respect the cause (and me) enough to donate. All those things I heard years ago are more true today:
· it is only hair
· people you trust know the real person inside
· not for college days alone

Back to the gags next time.

May 9 – Feedback and Fallout

Well, the game is afoot.

I am thrilled with how many people have gotten on board so far. Lots of positive feedback has been received – it’s like people never conceived that I had a nice bone in my body. Granted, I did spend a lot of time in various locations cultivating a reputation as an ENORMOUS prick, but people have been able to see through previous misdeeds to the genuine effort and emotion that lies beneath. My effort has been rewarded so far with over $990 (and one cent – thank you Chris Parry). There is over a month to go – 5 weeks in fact – so I’m resisting the temptation to up my goal. That only will happen if I meet 90% of the goal by June 1; I have a big head, so I don’t need to help make it bigger.


Recent additions to the “Heroes” list are Paul Seear, a fine young man whom my Law 12 class almost got fired from the courthouse back in 1997; Hans Havas, who I worked with at the Nat; Pat Furey, who once worked with me at Roberts; Leo Hutchinson, who moved up to administration; and John Freyvogel, a petty little man who was more than thrilled to be donating to “anything to cause you any sort of discomfort, [which] is a pleasure to me”.


On the prettier side of the ledger, executrix of the Ryan Malcolm fan club Lucy Caithcart; “co-worker I still feel guilty about bumping 11 years ago” Michele Sherstan; and former student Jirina Price have stepped up to the plate. Donation from these people comes from a pure sense of altruism, unlike the rogues’ gallery above.

However, despite their generosity, I am choosing to ignore Lucy’s husband’s advice to succumb to a full-body wax; I’ve seen the 40 Year-Old Virgin. We’re making wigs, not sweaters.

More people are welcome to join; all it takes is about 5 minutes, and the instructions on the Cancer Society link are easy to follow.

What does amaze me is the number of people who think I am going to try and find a way to back out of this. I must really have some sort of character that people would think that I would publicly announce the fundraiser; register it with the Cancer Society; pimp it to everyone who’s ever met me; set the date for the cut for a school day I have to attend; and then hope come June 16 everybody gets collective amnesia and nobody notices I’ve still got the lid.

In other words, Vote Rob McGowan in Election 2009!!!

These sort will end up being the people I have to re-email, in a plaintive attempt to solicit funds for the cause and remind (or prove to) them that what I am doing on June 15 is actualization of an honest intention and not some screen memory covering for the fact that my birth certificate was also apparently a license for my father to cut hair.

The “Bald icon of the night” (BIOTN) is a difficult choice and a hard act to follow, given previous selections of Marsellus Wallace and Greedo. Well, if I’m working my way down the evil scale, the next choice seems logical, especially if people think I’m going to try and get out of the trim. Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Granted, he made appearances in six Bond films, but there is only one true Blofeld I can pick – the Donald Pleasence version from “You Only Live Twice”. The evil, the scar, the cat; where else can you combine the malevolence of an Ian Fleming villain and the Oompa Loompa characterization of Roald Dahl? For trying to take over the world from inside a volcano, and teaching us effective ways to dispose of incompetent henchmen, E.S. Blofeld is my BIOTN.

May 7 - Gettin' it on

Well, it’s on, and there’s no turning back now.

So far, I have sent out 50 emails, mostly to people I know from having worked with them, taught them, or had them make me cake for my birthday. The response has been pretty good so far, as the total is already over $650.

First off, a big thank you to my mother-in-law Vija, who rang up $250 for her favourite (and only) son-in-law. This is what I get instead of a birthday present, and I’m more than okay with it.

My Aunt Judy was equally generous, as she represents the family desire to never again see me looking like a member of “Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem”.

My confrere Chris Parry stepped up to the plate with $20.01, if only to be better at donating to my fundraiser than me.

Fellow co-workers and colleagues Maria and Shirley from the adult ed sector have also jumped on board. Maria did so because she is simply the nicest person around; Shirley is jealous of my hair. Either way – ladies, thank you both. Add to that Bruno, whose generosity is only matched by his dislike for Valery Giscard d’Estaing. (Look him up, any historical illiterates.)

A former student has jumped on board – the lovely Rong Xue has become the first of I hope many past students who are willing to put the ugliness behind them and help out the cause.

The pleasant surprise was a donation that was received almost by accident. When I copied a batch of addresses into the form, I guess I didn’t proofread close enough, because I included the name of Francine Regan-Pollock, my mortgage broker. I did mean to send one to my swarthy real estate agent, Barry Willimott, and he responded in kind and with kindness. But…total shock on my face when I get a response early on Saturday that she had donated on behalf of her and her husband Rob. So thank you Francine; consider your ad now placed on the blog.

And then there’s my $20, which was to get the ball rolling.

I’m hoping there’s plenty more out there. I still have over 250 people in my email bank to send to. I donated $20 to the Canadians “Mullet Madness”; I’m hoping Lori or someone else will respond in kind. I’m also hoping more of the former students I plan to contact now have jobs, or job enough to help out. Hopefully, the memories they’ve repressed about the experience of being in my class come out in a positive way, and they’ll want to see me shaved, if only so they can finally get the closure they need.


Today’s “bald icon of the night” is….Greedo. You might remember when he was murdered by Han Solo in the Mos Eisley cantina on Tatooine. The whole series is 20 minutes long if he doesn’t miss from point blank range. So what if Han Solo shot first? In Texas they’d have given him a parade; SB 378 – the “shoot first” law – allows “the use of deadly force in defence of a person” where the person “feels a direct or imminent act of harm” is about to be performed. Still, for having balls enough to try and kill Harrison Ford before he could impose “Six Days, Seven Nights” on us, I make Greedo my BIOTN.